i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
