we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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