do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
