had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
