Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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