I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
