I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
