i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So many bounce houses so little time
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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