So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
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google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
