Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
