My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
