he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The best revenge is premature balding
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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