just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
