"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
