I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
