It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
