Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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