U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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