when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
