I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
