Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
