the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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