Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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