i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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