My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
