The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am one with the molecules
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
