Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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