dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
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all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
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i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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