You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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