At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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