just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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