I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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