Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
