you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
