Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
