He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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