After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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