I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
