I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
