Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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