Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
