her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
