You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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