After last night, I could never be a politician.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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