is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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