I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
