My room smells like vodka and shame
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
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