At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
