my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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