when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
