Who wears a wallet chain?!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
