she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
