he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
birth control should be required to get into college
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
