Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
