I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
