so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
