well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
