Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
