Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
