Sry I called you an 8
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
