tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
