I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
