That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
