At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
