Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
